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i feel a pull. a pull between the past & future. i have been attempting this thing called “living in the now”. yeah, not so easy for me. for, it has taken quite a large amount of effort to focus on the present.

it is natural to contemplate the past & look into the future, but i’ve found that i’ve been spending too much time in both. currently, the time i have in life has left the doors to the past & future wide open to hours of scrutiny.

why at that moment sitting under that tree during my undergrad did i not choose that path, would i know myself better by now if i did, what will ____ & ____ look like (then imagine how i want it to be), well if i stay here i’ll be doing ____ when i have the money, if i live there i can do ____ & feel ____ way… what if what if what if what will what will what will. hour after hour.

letting my mind live in the past & future has blinded me from the here, from the now, & from too many possibilities.

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